Why Do We Beat Ourselves Up So Much?

It was 2pm in the afternoon and I’d still got 101 things that I should have been doing up in the office and around the house.

And yet, I somehow found myself watching just one more episode on Netflix (other platforms are available)
Then suddenly, it’s dark outside, the to-do list is untouched, and the voice in my head was on full volume:

“You’re so lazy.”
“Why can’t you just get things done like everyone else?”
“Useless. Honestly.”

Sound familiar?

Now I’m really hoping I’m not alone here.  The reason I know I’m not alone is because this is a topic that comes up time and time again with clients.

Firstly, I want to stress here, we’re not alone and we’re definitely not lazy or broken.
This pattern of procrastination → self-sabotage → self-loathing is something I know all too well.

Before I understood how I work, I used to get frustrated with myself all the time.
I’d go through these super-productive sprints—laser-focused, ticking things off, riding the high of momentum.

Then, almost without warning, it would hit.

🌀 Brain fog.
🌀 Overwhelm.
🌀 An inexplicable urge to do nothing—which usually turned into scrolling or binge-watching something completely mind-numbing, not just for a few hours, but for days.

The worst part?
It wasn’t the Netflix that did the damage.  It was what I told myself afterwards.

“You’ve wasted the whole day.”
“Everyone else is doing better than you.”
“You’ll never get your business off the ground at this rate.”

Then the following day I’d get up and do it all over again.

But here’s the twist: when I finally started working with a group—not in isolation, but with other people just like me—I started to understand something that changed everything.

We All Have Patterns and recognising them is Step One.

It was through group coaching that I finally saw it.
I wasn’t failing. I was following a pattern.
Roughly every 4–5 weeks, I’d hit a wall. But instead of blaming myself, I started to track it, get curious, and (shock horror)… plan for it.

Now?
I schedule my down time.
I know I’m at my best when I’ve had time to reset and recharge. So I give myself that time—without guilt.

And let me tell you: that permission has been a game-changer.

Not just for how I work, but for how I speak to myself.
Because kindness gets results that self-punishment never could.  By giving myself permission to take a step back for an afternoon every few weeks, I’m actually more productive.

Working in a group gave me structure.
It gave me tools to understand why I self-sabotaged.
It helped me re-write stories I’d carried for years—stories that weren’t even mine to begin with.

Stories like:

• “You’re only worthy when you’re productive.”
• “If you’re not busy, you’re lazy.”
• “You should have it all figured out by now.”

Through group coaching, I learned how to challenge those beliefs and create new ones that actually served me.
And maybe most importantly—I realised I wasn’t the only one who felt like this.

That sense of belonging, of not being broken, of being seen and understood—that’s where the real transformation started.

If You’re Stuck in That Same Cycle… Please Know There Is Another Way

I’m not perfect (far from it).
But I’ve learned that curiosity, not criticism, is the way out.
And that real change happens when you give yourself space to explore your mindset—not alone, but in a safe, supportive group that gets it.

That’s exactly why I created my new Midlife Mindset Membership.

It’s a space where you’ll get structure, insight, accountability, and most of all—compassion.

We talk about the stuff that really gets in the way.
We support each other through it.
And we grow—together.

I’d love to invite you to learn more about the membership.  Why not book a free twenty minute clarity call and let’s chat.

Because maybe it’s time to stop being so hard on yourself.
And start asking what would happen if you gave yourself permission to rest, reset, and rise again—on your terms.

 Sandra X