I Thought I’d Lost Myself… But Looking Back, I Was Losing My Health

If you’d met me during lockdown, you’d probably have assumed I had it all together.

After all, I was still teaching between 10 and 15 fitness classes every week. I was showing up for my clients, smiling through the screen and encouraging everyone else to keep moving.

What people didn’t see was what happened when I pressed “End Meeting.”

I’d burst into tears.  Not because I didn’t love what I was doing, but because my whole body ached.

Every joint seemed to hurt. I was exhausted, emotionally drained and wondering why the woman who had spent years helping others to feel fitter and healthier suddenly couldn’t seem to help herself.

My eating habits had gone completely out of the window.

Like so many people during lockdown, I found comfort in food. Then came the nightly glass of wine… which slowly became two… because, after all, “I deserve it.”

“Life’s hard at the moment.”  “It’s only while we’re in lockdown.”

The problem was, lockdown lasted a long time.

Because I was teaching online, I’d finish work and be back sitting in my lounge by 7.30 or 8.00 each evening. There was no commute to separate work from home, no change of environment, no reason not to pour another drink.

Without really noticing, those habits became my new normal.

Then everything changed again.

We were finally allowed back to teaching face-to-face.  I should have been excited.  I’d missed my clients enormously.

Instead… I felt dread.

Not because I’d fallen out of love with my job.  I dreaded it because everything suddenly felt like such hard work.

The thought of driving 40 minutes to class and 40 minutes home again felt overwhelming.

I worried I’d forget what I was teaching because I no longer had my huge handwritten notes stuck to the wall behind my laptop.

Every journey came with another worry too…

Would I make it to class without soaking through my gym clothes with another hot flush or even worse, a horrendous gush of blood from a really heavy period?

I never left home without a spare set of clothes in my bag, just in case.

Looking back now, it’s obvious what was happening.  At the time, though, I just felt stuck.

I knew I needed to eat better.  I knew I needed to drink less.  I knew something wasn’t right.

I also knew I should probably speak to my GP… …but I’d been dismissed twice before in my forties so I kept asking myself,  “What’s the point?”

Eventually, I booked the appointment.

I still remember taking the phone call while I was driving to class (hands-free, of course!).

In a strange way, being on my way to work probably helped because I had to stay focused and explain exactly how I was feeling.

After listening to everything I’d said, my GP prescribed HRT and suggested we review it in three months.

I’ll never forget how I felt when he said those words.

For the first time in a long time… I felt heard.  I felt understood.  Most importantly…  I felt hopeful.

Starting HRT was a turning point for me, and I honestly don’t see myself ever coming off it. It has made a huge difference to my life.

But here’s something I think we need to talk about more.

HRT isn’t magic.  It’s not suitable for everyone and when there is so much noise out there around it, you can feel almost helpless if you aren’t on it because it seems to be the only solution to help women through the menopause transition.

Whilst HRT replaces hormones that your body is producing less of, and for many women it’s life-changing, what so many people don’t realise is that sometimes the symptoms aren’t just hormone related.
It can be a vitamin deficiency, a thyroid issue, insulin resistance………  all of which can show up with very similar symptoms as menopause.

I’m lucky, HRT has helped me massively, but:

It can’t undo years of stress.  It can’t build muscle for you.  It can’t improve your sleep habits.

It can’t nourish your body.  It can’t change the way you speak to yourself every single day.

I often compare it to trying to fill a sink without putting the plug in.

The water keeps running away.

For me, HRT gave me the opportunity to start rebuilding.

But I had to do the rest.

Slowly, I began making small changes.  Not huge, dramatic transformations.  Small ones.

I started eating better.  I moved my body differently.  I reduced my alcohol.  I started prioritising my sleep and stress.

Most importantly, I worked on my mindset.

I became curious about the way I was speaking to myself.

Instead of constantly saying,

“I should be doing better.”  “I’m such a s*** role model for my clients”

“Why can’t I get my act together?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

…I started showing myself the same compassion I so freely gave everyone else.

One small change made the next one feel easier.  Then another.

Before I knew it…

I was starting to feel like me again.

Not the old me.  A stronger version of me.  I new this was also calling me to re-train, to help so many other women that were feeling the same way I was.

Looking back, I really wish there had been something simple that explained all of this.

Not pages and pages of conflicting advice.  Not endless doom and gloom about menopause, scaremongering about how HRT causes cancer, the horror stories of women still being dismissed by Dr’s that just don’t have the medical training around Menopause.

Just practical guidance that helped me understand what was happening and what I could actually do about it to help myself.

That’s exactly why I’ve created my FREE 7-Step Guide to Menopause.

It’s a simple, no-nonsense guide packed with practical steps you can start implementing straight away to help support your body and mind during this stage of life.

And if you’d like to understand why these steps matter and how they work together, I’ll also be running a 45-minute masterclass where I’ll explore these topics in more depth. We’ll look at the science in a way that’s easy to understand, clear up some common myths, and help you see why lasting change comes from combining the right support, healthy habits and a compassionate mindset.

Because midlife and beyond isn’t about simply surviving.

It’s about learning how to support yourself through one of life’s biggest transitions.

And trust me…

If I could find my way back from feeling completely stuck, overwhelmed and wondering where the old me had gone…

There is every chance that you can too.