Boundaries: Why Saying Yes All the Time Is Costing You More Than You Think

How many times have you said yes when every part of you was quietly screaming no?

Yes to plans you didn’t want to make.
Yes to helping when you were already exhausted.
Yes because it felt easier than explaining yourself.
Yes because you didn’t want to upset anyone, rock the boat, or be seen as “difficult”.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

I regard myself as a recovering people pleaser. For years, I went along with what everyone else wanted because it felt simpler. I didn’t voice my needs. I didn’t question things. I kept the peace — at the expense of my own mental wellbeing.

And here’s the knock-on effect of that…
When you spend years prioritising everyone else, it’s no wonder so many of us reach midlife feeling lost, disconnected, and unsure of what’s next. If you’ve spent decades saying yes to others, you can forget who you actually are.

But here’s the thing…
Saying yes all the time doesn’t make you kind, selfless, or strong. Often, it just makes you tired, resentful, and disconnected from yourself.

I’m Not Saying We Say No to Everything

This isn’t about refusing to support your family, neglecting work, or suddenly becoming unavailable to the people you love. Of course, those things matter.

The question is: at what cost?

To your energy?
Your mood?
Your health?
Your sense of self?

Because constantly putting yourself last isn’t noble — it’s unsustainable.

Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

Many of us were never taught how to set boundaries. We were praised for being helpful, agreeable, and accommodating. So when we finally consider saying no, guilt creeps in. We worry about hurting feelings, being judged, or letting people down.

This is a topic that comes up so often with the women I work with.
They feel lost. They’re unsure what’s next. And they’ve completely forgotten how to put boundaries in place — especially without feeling selfish.

Why Saying No Can Be Liberating

Here’s something important I want you to remember:

No is a full sentence.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
You don’t need a watertight reason.
You’re allowed to protect your time, energy, and wellbeing.

If “no” feels too direct right now, try softer boundaries to begin with:

• “Can I get back to you on that?”
• “That doesn’t work for me right now.”
• “I need to think about whether I have the capacity for that.”

These small pauses create space — and space is where change begins.

Boundaries Teach People How to Treat You

People will continue to put demands on you if you allow them to. That doesn’t make them bad people — it makes them human.

When you start putting boundaries in place, something interesting happens:
People adjust.

You’re not being unkind.
You’re not causing harm.
You’re simply asking to be treated with the respect you deserve.

Start small if that helps. One boundary. One honest pause. One moment where you choose yourself.

If This Has Hit a Nerve…

If this has resonated but you’re thinking “I don’t even know where to start” — that’s exactly where support can help.  Talking to somebody impartial can really help.  Having someone in your corner that isn’t going to judge, criticize or make you feel stupid can be a game changer.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.
You don’t need to wait until burnout forces change.

👉 If you’d like support navigating boundaries, identity, or this stage of life in general, you’re welcome to book a free clarity call with me.
It’s a safe, no-pressure space to talk things through and work out your next steps — without judgement.

Sometimes, learning to say no is the very thing that helps you say yes to yourself again. 💛

 Sandra X